Anger

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal and healthy human emotion, but when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems such as, problems at work, personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. It can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable powerful emotion.

"Anger is present in each and everybody, moreover it stems from many  reasons. Besides the situation, your upbringing, childhood experiences and intensity of aggression play a key role in it."

The fact is that everybody at one time or another gets angry. Whether it’s a family member, or a co-worker, or a stranger who took your parking spot, we all can get angry. The problem with anger is that there is only a small chance that it may solve the problem, but a greater chance that it’ll create new ones.one interesting  finding is  as people grow up and excel in their field, they become more egoistic. The aggression within them also increases.' It just depends on how one handles that aggression, that comes  out  of  anger " says a renowned  psychologist  from  Bangalore

Earlier few months  back, Saif became the 'bad man' for getting embroiled in a brawl with Iqbal Sharma, an Indian-origin businessman from South Africa, who filed a police complaint against the actor for allegedly assaulting him at Mumbai's Taj Mahal Hotel.
All this over an apparently trivial issue of lowering voices! Saif later  admitted he could have avoided the brawl.The incident saw two days of non-stop coverage. Similar was the case with the Shah Rukh-Shirish spat, as has been over incidents involving other actors like Salman Khan, Govinda, Abhishek Bachchan and Sanjay Dutt.

For every Saif ,Sharuk Harbhajan ,Srishants  we  can site  example of  Dravid , Praksah Padukone ,Amithab  who  knew  how  to  Handle  Anger  and  Aggression  in Public "We all have a tendency to bring down celebrities., wherein the basic thought in our head is always that the celebrity must be in the wrong. and their  anger makes  news "Picking up from the recent case (involving Saif), one has heard both sides - the celebrity's and the non-celebrity's. Whatever they may say, nobody has evidence of what transpired; so how can we believe that only the celebrity was at fault?

"Celebrities alone do not get angry. Public spats or misdemeanours are not restricted to just entertainers It happens with everyone. We just tend to single out celebrities and whatever they do is highlighted. The menu at my wedding won't make news, but it surely would for a Bollywood actor, who has the spotlight on his head all the time,".

Let  us  leave  celebrity and  come  back  to situation  where  WE are  all  involved in  Anger pangs which may  lead  into brawl and  even  we  end  up  acting  worse  then  these  so called celebrities ! and this happens even  though  we  try  our  best  to avoid unpleasant  situation, we resolve never be angry again. Such idealistic   goal of not  getting  angry is unrealistic and unproductive.  Anger is a normal part of human existence, although hopefully an infrequent one

The first step is to stop, be aware of and acknowledge the feelings that indicate anger. The more aware we are of the early symptoms of disappointment and irritation, the more likely we can take effective steps to solve the problem, decrease our anger and prevent a potentially violent scene. The less aware we are of our anger, the more likely we are to have trouble controlling our anger, which can turn to rage and actions that hurt ourselves or others. How  to recognize  this  anger  instinct  in  us  which suddenly  stings like a  scropian?

  I remember  reading  a  story where    scorpion  and  frog were  about  to  cross  a  river

Frog  can  swim  but  scorpion  cant ,.so Scorpion  begged the  frog  to  carry  on  its  back till  the  other  end of  the  river  but  frog  refused as  the  natural  instinct  of  the  scorpion  is  to  sting  and frog  was not  willing  to  risk its  life ..Scorpion was  persistent and  some  how  convinced  frog that  it  has  changed  its  behaviour  and  moreover  if  some  thing  happens in  middle  of  the  river its risk  to  both  life .As they  were in  middle  of  the  river with Scorpion on  its  back the  frog  felt  some  thing pricking  yes  scorpion  had done  its  job  it  bit  frog ! instinct took  over .As  they  were drowning  frog  asked the  scorpion .;’ My  dear friend  you  told  you  have  changed  but  still  you bit  me  which  has resulted  in  both  of  us  drowning ,”  For  that  scorpion  replied  :yes I   tried  my  best but   what  to  do  my  instinct to  bite  had  taken  over   and  I  forgot  every thing  but  now  I  am regretting  this  act . ,But  too  late  the  damage  is  done

We  are  all  like  scorpion  where  our  instinct  take  over and  we   act   and  Anger  is  one  such   instinct where  it  takes  over  logic  and  ruins every thing and  we realize only after damage  is  done Yes ,Anger  as  we  can  see has  a  fixed  pattern .Slowly  it  starts  and  by  the  time  we  are  aware it  takes  over   and leads  to  some  thing  unpleasant  and  by  the  time  we  come  back its  too  late 

All  said  and  done  even  I  am trying  my  best till  date  to  control  my  anger  and  compare  to  my  anger  pangs  I  was  going  thru  in  my  childhood now  I  have  refined  and  has  reduced  my  anger  to  a  great  extent , but  still  long  way  to  go. How  many  times  we  out  of  anger  act  then regret ? Yes  I  have  done  many  times But  slowly I  am  overcoming  and  I feel it is better served by focusing on understanding our anger, and finding effective ways of working through it. One approach  I  am  using is called the STAR- approach, which  I  learnt  in  one  of  the  training programme  .STAR- stands for stop, think, ask, reduce,. I  am trying  this  method  and  has  worked  for   me  and may  be it  may  help  you  also  

Stop. Notice when you get angry and look for the signs. Is your voice rising, neck tightening, face getting hot, hand shaking, jaw tightening and breath shortening? Do you want to run away?

Think. Try to picture the consequences if you lose control. Most of us don't want to hurt our children, spouse, co-workers or others, either physically or emotionally. If you try to picture the consequences both for you and for the person with whom you are angry, it can help you engage your brain before you engage your tongue or fist. Example: "If I lose control, I'll feel worse, be embarrassed, humiliate myself and the other person in front of friends. There might even be a newspaper story with my name in the headlines tomorrow.!!"

Ask. Ask yourself what you're really angry about. What do you want? All too often the family member we're angry at is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We may actually be angry about a decision our boss made, the slow driver who made us late, or ourselves for not handling a situation as well as we should have. (Notice the unmet expectations in each case?)

Reduce anger. Often we're so angry that we can't resolve the problem until we cool down. Ask yourself, "What can I do to reduce my anger?" Take a walk or a 20-minute run, a cold shower or bath, listen to relaxing music, do stretching exercises, call a friend, Meditate , or sit in the shade and unwind.

. So who really suffers when you get angry? Buddha once said, “Holding on to your anger is much like holding on to a hot piece of coal, you’re the only one who is going to get burned.”