Minding our own Business

Civilization depends on, and civility often requires, the willingness to say, 'What you are doing is none of my business' and 'What I am doing is none of your business
Civilisation reached  all  time  low when  few  parents in  Bangalore Misused RTI to  lay their  hands on  the Secondary School Leaving Certificate (Class 10th) answer scripts of their kid's classmates. Karnataka school board, which conducts the exam for over eight lakh students every year, is in a fix. Following a spike in such applications, it has written to the Karnataka government seeking its permission to exempt processing of answer sheets under RTI.
Instead  of  worrying about  their  sibling performance they  are more : concerned “ about their  kid’s class mate  performance!! a healthy involvement in our children's life is necessary, obsessively tracking classmates' marks is downright paranoid & none  of  their  business.
Why  we always compare  with  others ?why  we  are unnecessary worried about  others progress? we  are  seldom  bothered  about  our  own  business  but  more  concerned  on what  others  are  upto 
There  is  a beautiful story  in  ZEN where  a person  was  bothered  about enlightenment of  trees  and  grasses more  then  his  enlightenment !
During the Kamakura period, Shinkan studied Tendai [  school of  thought]six years and then studied Zen for seven years; then he went to China and contemplated Zen for thirteen years more. When he returned to Japan many desired to interview him and asked obscure questions. But when Shinkan received visitors, which was infrequently, he seldom answered their questions.
One day sixty-year-old student of enlightenment said to Shinkan: "I have studied the Tendai school of thought since I was a little boy, but one thing in it I cannot understand. Tendai claims that even the grass and trees will become enlightened. To me this seems very strange, and  I  am  thinking  on  this from  last  30  years "
"Of what use is it to discuss how grass and trees become enlightened?" asked Shinkan. "The question is how you yourself can become so. Did you even consider that?"
"I never thought of it that way," marveled the old man.
"Then go home and think it over," finished Shinkan.
This  old  man  was  more  concerned about  trees  & grass attaining enlightenment or  Nirvana. .We  are  also like this old  man bothering  about  other s business  as popular Kannada  saying  goes :we  are  worried  about Rat  which  is  dead  in  neighbors  house but conveniently ignoring Dead  donkey  in  our  own  house :We  need  to  get out  of  this trap " Minding  our  own  business should  be  our  Mantra
study must show that minding your own business is good for your health. I don’t know if there is scientific evidence to back up this theory of mine, but I’m sure at one point there was a study conducted about this. There are studies done about everything. Through an unrelated series of events, it has become clear that minding your own business is a healthy habit. I have great personal evidence to back this up..
Minding your own business reduces stress in your life. If you spend time meddling in other peoples’ affairs you are bound to hear bits of information that will add stress to your body. You may find out that a colleague of yours, whom you happen to adore, is getting fired. You might be gossiping about someone and they overhear what you have to say. You could think you know what’s going on in a situation but actually have no clue about what is really happening. All of these situations lead to added stress. Stress is a killer. It raises blood pressure and causes an array of health issues from heart attacks to strokes. This is scientifically proven
Another reason why minding your own business is good for your health is that it keeps you focused on your job. If you are so busy wondering what everyone is doing and trying to gossip and meddle in others’ affairs, you are bound to be slacking at work. This could lead to you getting fired  or  other  complication  in  work 
Any how  here  are  few tips for people like  you and  me who want to  give it  a  try to Mind your[our] own  Business ,

✔ When you have the urge to poke your nose in someone Else's affair, ask yourself certain questions like, "Why should I know the development?" or "How does it concern me?". If it is something related to you, then you can give it a thought, but if it is plain gossip, then the answer you should get from within is - "it shouldn't concern you at all".

✔ Another way to stop yourself from butting in is, move away from that place or those people. It's a good distraction to walk away or else you'll simply end up annoying someone. But yes, if it does relate to you, then you might have to break in and ask a question or two.

✔ Show disinterest in gossip and less interest in people around. Rather, focus on the work you have come for. How in the world is gossip or being curious and inquiring about others' matters, or giving your advice when not asked for, going to be of any help to you? Instead, focus your positive energies on yourself, and not wasting your energy on unconcerned stuff.

✔ Before asking personal questions to an affected person (who must be wanting to be left alone), turn the tables and see how it feels. What if some day you are going through a turmoil in life and someone comes up to you with curious queries? Now, how would that feel? Won't it get on your nerves? Won't you want to lunge at the person and punch him/her hard? So, the point here is, think before you act.

✔ If you accidentally overhear some stuff that doesn't concern you, don't spread it around. It might be fun news for others, but you might be hurting someone. Act oblivious to some incidents or as if nothing was overheard and get back to your work.
Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves -- to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by our today.

living in present

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." 

-- Buddha

One of the true sources of happiness and health, as the Buddha discovered more than 2500 years ago, is the ability to be in the present moment. In truth, reality only exists right now—it's as close and accessible as our breath—and this awareness heals suffering caused  by past regrets or future fears. Research shows the many physical benefits of learning to be in the moment—from lower blood pressure to reduced levels of stress and anxiety but many of  us tend  to  live in  past or  in  future  but  we  need  to  realise  that  Real  life  is  found only  in  Present moment.

 Two zen monks were travelling. They came to a ford of a stream that was running high, and the current was strong and frightening looking. An attractive young lady was standing at the ford, looking nervous. She clearly was afraid to cross, but had an important reason to go. Without a word, the older of the two monks lifted her in his arms and waded across the stream, and placed her safely on the far bank. The younger monk looked shocked at this action, but kept his silence for quite some number of miles as they continued their journey. Finally, he blurted out "You know that it is against the rules of our order to have any contact with women. How could you do that?". The older monk replied "I put her down when I reached the other side of the river. You, on the other hand, have been carrying her this whole way."

We  are  like  this  monk ! Event  has  already occurred, gone but  he  is  carrying that  in  mind where  as  the  other  monk  has  already  left  it  and  his  mind  is  clear and  living  in Present Life can  be  found only  in the  present moment. The past is  gone, the  future is  yet here, and if  we do  not go  back  to our self  in  the  present moment. We  cannot  be in  touch with  life

There are many people who are keen to give you their opinion or their advice on why it is difficult to live in the present. Some will say it is because we live in abstraction, we live in the world of symbols. Some might say it is because we have awareness of the passage of time, or the illusion of time, it produces anxiety because we can look at the past and predict the future. I think all of these answers are partially true,but I  feel the biggest reason we don’t live in the present is because we don’t shut up, that is, we constantly talk to ourselves, Either  we  are  in dead past  or  in unborn future.

We  are  always worrying about past mistakes, rehashing what you should have done,holding grudges revisiting occasions of sadness or anger or going  into Future  with anxiety, anticipating problems that they may not be able to overcome. Losing sleep, feeling on edge, and stress-related maladies can be the results when  we  are oscilatting between past and  future  One way to get out of this  oscilatting  pendilum of  fast  and  future is to heightening your awareness of the present.

 Things are happening all around you every minute of the day. Why not focus on what is going on now, enjoying the simple fact of being alive and immediate, rather than casting your thoughts forward or backward to events you cannot change? where nothing  can  be  done  

      I  read  some  where How   Japanese traditional  Tea  party  is conducted where  a person      drinks  Tea  slowly and  steadily  and  throughout  the  process he  is aware of every  single  second  and  minute  which helps  him  to  be  in  Present .We can  try  this. Next  time try  drinking   TEA or  COFFEE “slowly and reverently, as if it one  and  only  act  and  this  is  called  as mindfulness or Being Aware  of  present

Practicing mindfulness means we practice our awareness in all our actions,  not  only while  drinking  Tea you  can  also practice while Washing dishes or tying our shoes, wearing cloths where our mind should be focused on whatever we are doing,  not thinking about the bills that we have to pay, or the phone call we need to make when we get to the office,  simply living in the moment.Normally as you  are aware when we are busy with some work, all our attention and focus will be on that work without thinking about  past or  future  This is one part of being  aware of present

. If you follow these simple tips you can start living in the present, and start experiencing reality as it is.

1. Don’t try to quiet your mind

The hardest thing to do when living in the moment is, or trying to simply witness life, is to not have the urge to try to quiet your mind. When we try to quiet the mind, we just disturb it all the more. Instead, simply witness your thoughts as if they are pure sound. Don’t try to judge your thoughts, there are no good thoughts or bad thoughts. Simply witness them as if they were noise.

2. You are not your thoughts

often we identify ourselves with our thoughts, we actually believe we are the dialogue inside our mind. However, we are much more than just our thoughts, we are the force that moves through our mind, spirit and body. Knowing this helps us overcome our fear of quietness and silence, we can have peace knowing that when our minds are quiet, we are not losing touch with ourselves.

3. Breathe, you’re alive

For a moment I’d like you to stop reading and simply pay attention to your breath. I’ll wait….As you focus your attention on your breath, you’ll notice that your breath is neither voluntary or involuntary. It is something that you do, but at the same time something that “does you”. When you focus your attention on your breath, you come back into relationship with reality, because like breath, reality is both something you do and something that “does you”. It is co-creative. Practice conscious breathing to bring your mind back to the present.

4. Dream about the future, but work hard today. Dream big. Set goals and plans for the future. But working hard today is always the first step towards realizing your dreams tomorrow. Don’t allow dreaming about tomorrow to replace living in today

 5 Forgive past hurts. If you are harboring resentment towards another human being because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on. The harm was their fault. But allowing it to impact your mood today is yours

6 Think beyond old solutions to problems. Our world is changing so fast that most of yesterday’s solutions are no longer the right answers today. Don’t get locked into a “but that’s how we’ve always done it” mentality. Yesterday’s solutions are not today’s solutions and they are certainly not tomorrow’s solutions

Never think of the yesterdays. And I never think of the tomorrows. That leaves me just a small moment, the present moment — unburdened, uncluttered, clean, free.

 -0sho-

"

Anger

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal and healthy human emotion, but when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems such as, problems at work, personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. It can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable powerful emotion.

"Anger is present in each and everybody, moreover it stems from many  reasons. Besides the situation, your upbringing, childhood experiences and intensity of aggression play a key role in it."

The fact is that everybody at one time or another gets angry. Whether it’s a family member, or a co-worker, or a stranger who took your parking spot, we all can get angry. The problem with anger is that there is only a small chance that it may solve the problem, but a greater chance that it’ll create new ones.one interesting  finding is  as people grow up and excel in their field, they become more egoistic. The aggression within them also increases.' It just depends on how one handles that aggression, that comes  out  of  anger " says a renowned  psychologist  from  Bangalore

Earlier few months  back, Saif became the 'bad man' for getting embroiled in a brawl with Iqbal Sharma, an Indian-origin businessman from South Africa, who filed a police complaint against the actor for allegedly assaulting him at Mumbai's Taj Mahal Hotel.
All this over an apparently trivial issue of lowering voices! Saif later  admitted he could have avoided the brawl.The incident saw two days of non-stop coverage. Similar was the case with the Shah Rukh-Shirish spat, as has been over incidents involving other actors like Salman Khan, Govinda, Abhishek Bachchan and Sanjay Dutt.

For every Saif ,Sharuk Harbhajan ,Srishants  we  can site  example of  Dravid , Praksah Padukone ,Amithab  who  knew  how  to  Handle  Anger  and  Aggression  in Public "We all have a tendency to bring down celebrities., wherein the basic thought in our head is always that the celebrity must be in the wrong. and their  anger makes  news "Picking up from the recent case (involving Saif), one has heard both sides - the celebrity's and the non-celebrity's. Whatever they may say, nobody has evidence of what transpired; so how can we believe that only the celebrity was at fault?

"Celebrities alone do not get angry. Public spats or misdemeanours are not restricted to just entertainers It happens with everyone. We just tend to single out celebrities and whatever they do is highlighted. The menu at my wedding won't make news, but it surely would for a Bollywood actor, who has the spotlight on his head all the time,".

Let  us  leave  celebrity and  come  back  to situation  where  WE are  all  involved in  Anger pangs which may  lead  into brawl and  even  we  end  up  acting  worse  then  these  so called celebrities ! and this happens even  though  we  try  our  best  to avoid unpleasant  situation, we resolve never be angry again. Such idealistic   goal of not  getting  angry is unrealistic and unproductive.  Anger is a normal part of human existence, although hopefully an infrequent one

The first step is to stop, be aware of and acknowledge the feelings that indicate anger. The more aware we are of the early symptoms of disappointment and irritation, the more likely we can take effective steps to solve the problem, decrease our anger and prevent a potentially violent scene. The less aware we are of our anger, the more likely we are to have trouble controlling our anger, which can turn to rage and actions that hurt ourselves or others. How  to recognize  this  anger  instinct  in  us  which suddenly  stings like a  scropian?

  I remember  reading  a  story where    scorpion  and  frog were  about  to  cross  a  river

Frog  can  swim  but  scorpion  cant ,.so Scorpion  begged the  frog  to  carry  on  its  back till  the  other  end of  the  river  but  frog  refused as  the  natural  instinct  of  the  scorpion  is  to  sting  and frog  was not  willing  to  risk its  life ..Scorpion was  persistent and  some  how  convinced  frog that  it  has  changed  its  behaviour  and  moreover  if  some  thing  happens in  middle  of  the  river its risk  to  both  life .As they  were in  middle  of  the  river with Scorpion on  its  back the  frog  felt  some  thing pricking  yes  scorpion  had done  its  job  it  bit  frog ! instinct took  over .As  they  were drowning  frog  asked the  scorpion .;’ My  dear friend  you  told  you  have  changed  but  still  you bit  me  which  has resulted  in  both  of  us  drowning ,”  For  that  scorpion  replied  :yes I   tried  my  best but   what  to  do  my  instinct to  bite  had  taken  over   and  I  forgot  every thing  but  now  I  am regretting  this  act . ,But  too  late  the  damage  is  done

We  are  all  like  scorpion  where  our  instinct  take  over and  we   act   and  Anger  is  one  such   instinct where  it  takes  over  logic  and  ruins every thing and  we realize only after damage  is  done Yes ,Anger  as  we  can  see has  a  fixed  pattern .Slowly  it  starts  and  by  the  time  we  are  aware it  takes  over   and leads  to  some  thing  unpleasant  and  by  the  time  we  come  back its  too  late 

All  said  and  done  even  I  am trying  my  best till  date  to  control  my  anger  and  compare  to  my  anger  pangs  I  was  going  thru  in  my  childhood now  I  have  refined  and  has  reduced  my  anger  to  a  great  extent , but  still  long  way  to  go. How  many  times  we  out  of  anger  act  then regret ? Yes  I  have  done  many  times But  slowly I  am  overcoming  and  I feel it is better served by focusing on understanding our anger, and finding effective ways of working through it. One approach  I  am  using is called the STAR- approach, which  I  learnt  in  one  of  the  training programme  .STAR- stands for stop, think, ask, reduce,. I  am trying  this  method  and  has  worked  for   me  and may  be it  may  help  you  also  

Stop. Notice when you get angry and look for the signs. Is your voice rising, neck tightening, face getting hot, hand shaking, jaw tightening and breath shortening? Do you want to run away?

Think. Try to picture the consequences if you lose control. Most of us don't want to hurt our children, spouse, co-workers or others, either physically or emotionally. If you try to picture the consequences both for you and for the person with whom you are angry, it can help you engage your brain before you engage your tongue or fist. Example: "If I lose control, I'll feel worse, be embarrassed, humiliate myself and the other person in front of friends. There might even be a newspaper story with my name in the headlines tomorrow.!!"

Ask. Ask yourself what you're really angry about. What do you want? All too often the family member we're angry at is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We may actually be angry about a decision our boss made, the slow driver who made us late, or ourselves for not handling a situation as well as we should have. (Notice the unmet expectations in each case?)

Reduce anger. Often we're so angry that we can't resolve the problem until we cool down. Ask yourself, "What can I do to reduce my anger?" Take a walk or a 20-minute run, a cold shower or bath, listen to relaxing music, do stretching exercises, call a friend, Meditate , or sit in the shade and unwind.

. So who really suffers when you get angry? Buddha once said, “Holding on to your anger is much like holding on to a hot piece of coal, you’re the only one who is going to get burned.”