I feel that
obsession with a loved one are the same as those of an obsession with
anything else. However, in the case of relationships, the seriousness is often
downplayed. While everyone knows the harm caused by a gambling addiction, many
are not so concerned about a “love addiction”. It is considered normal, maybe
even romantic.
The crux of the
problem lies in the use of the word “love”: people take an obsession or an
attachment and they call it love. This leads them to assume that it is a good
thing. Clearly, love is a good thing, but attachment is not. Often we want our
person we love to be attached to us
because it provides sort of
security and also
many of our bollyhood songs contain supposedly romantic
lyrics about how much someone “needs” another. In practice however, love most
easily arises in the absence of need. Love is an unselfish and open state,
which is quite the opposite of need.
When a relationship is based on attachment, we
have problems such as selfishness, possessiveness, insecurity, and disappointment.
A relationship based on love has no such issues. Therefore, we should avoid
attachment in a relationship just as we should avoid attachment in other areas
of life. Instead of needing something external for our happiness, we must take
responsibility for our own happiness. This does not mean being any less
committed to the relationship. On the other hand, it will result in a
relationship that is more lasting and stable.
Often We fail
to discriminate between obsession/attached vs Love
and end up being
frustrated which leads us to
loose our equilibrium .Intimate
relationships can be one of the greatest sources of joy in our lives. However,
as with most enjoyable things, it is easy to become attached/obsessed . This
occurs when we start to seek too much from the relationship, and see it as integral to our happiness. It is
dangerous to seek too much from anything in life. We keep on
hearing from spiritual gurus
that every one in this
planet is responsible for our own
happiness and yet we seek from
outside thru relationship.
Many a times
it has happened
and still happening to
me and for
that matter everyone
more so in our
growing years where we seek
happiness out of wrong relationship after being obsessed with a person
or a object
and end up hearing
pathos songs ! .May be I think
this is way
Life teaches us the
lesson where we are
forced to get obsessed / attached to a
person or a object then
losing it and
later on realising
the value of
true Love .As some one rightly
said
“:Nobody gets
through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something
they thought was meant to be or
getting betrayed ,. but it
is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future
opportunities.'' I think it is
part of life ‘’.
Other day I was
reading extract from a
book by Jack Kornfield who is a
Buddhist teacher and author Bringing
Home the Dharma ; Awakening Right where
you are where he
says beautifully that ‘’The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment
masquerades as love. It says, “I will love this person because I need them.”
Or, “I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will
be the way I want.” This isn’t love at all – it is attachment – and attachment
is rigid, it is very different from love. When there is attachment, there is
clinging and fear. Love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps,
demands, needs, and aims to possess
beautiful thought ..
I I know
all these sermons
are easy to
talk and write but
very difficult to follow. Yes , Without going into highly debatable explanations and theories, I
would say that love is a positive feeling toward
something or somebody, and attachment is an emotional need
for something or somebody.The major difference is that love is a feeling
directed toward the “other” (the other person, place or thing), while
attachment is a self-centered—meaning based on
fulfilling your need.
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