urgent vs Important

What is important is seldom urgent, and what is urgent is seldom important.
– Dwight D. Eisenhower

A good friend once told me of a fond memory from his  childhood. Every Sunday morning, his entire family would get ready to  visit  market  . Everyone would be rushing to get dressed and have breakfast; the whole household would be in complete disarray. When his grandmother saw this, she would say: "Let's slow down so we can get there faster."

This may sound like a paradox, but is in fact great wisdom. Our problem in the modern world is usually going too fast, so slowing down brings us back to moderation. We need to keep this in mind because life seems to be full of due dates, deadlines, and tasks that are "urgent" but not necessarily important. These things become stress factors and build up tension. We force ourselves through them, thinking we are "productive" while unable to see the hairline fractures that are spreading through the wheel of life. At some point, things start falling apart, and we wonder where  we  went wrong .

 How can we know the right speed with which to proceed? There is no magic formula. The only way to discover the natural rhythm and pace is through experience. By living life with awareness, and knowing the  difference  between “ urgent’’ & “important”. .once  when  we  know  this then  we   can  fine  tune the  appropriate speed  and  move  ahead in any given situation. I feel  No one can teach it to you; it is something you need to learn on your own but the  key  point is not  to unnecessary get tensed up and  in  the  bargain loose  the  focus  on  main point .

A lot of us confuse between the urgent and the important and in  fact it  is really  difficult to  know  the  difference .Even people who have been in management roles for years and years in large corporate sometimes succumb to this disease in their professional or personal fronts. Understanding the difference between urgent and important can make a huge impact on the quality and productivity of both your personal and professional life   and of  course What you consider important can differ from what others consider as important.

you deserve the best

There is a parable about a poor man walking through the woods reflecting upon his many troubles. He stopped to rest against a tree, a magical tree that would instantly grant the wishes of anyone who came in contact with it. He realized he was thirsty and wished for a drink. Instantly a cup of cool water was in his hand. Shocked, he looked at the water, he decided it was safe and drank it. He then realized he was hungry and wished he had something to eat. A meal appeared before him. "My wishes are being granted," he thought in disbelief. "Well, then I wish for a beautiful home of my own," he said out loud. The home appeared in the meadow before him. A huge smile crossed his face as he wished for servants to take care of the house. When they appeared he realized he had somehow been blessed with an incredible power and he wished for a beautiful, loving, intelligent woman to share his good fortune. "Wait a minute, this is ridiculous," said the man to the woman. "I'm not this lucky. This can't happen to me  &  I don’t deserve this ." As he spoke...everything disappeared. He shook his head and said, "I knew it  I knew  it I  don’t  deserve this  ," then walked away thinking about his many troubles.

What's sadly true is that so many people believe they don't deserve  best things  in  life  when in  fact    wishing  tree in our   life   is very  much  ready  to  give  us  but   we continue  to  ignore and  we derive  happiness    out  of  chasing  and  dreaming and we are  convinced that  this  may  not be  real .

 The  Best and  deserving  thing  may be  different  for different  people  be  it  money for  some , or a great job, or a fabulous home, or a trim fit body or tons of energy and wonderful health.  The negative ego is great at convincing us that we don't deserve certain things, and then shows us proof - not really but it looks like proof.  What you might not realize is that the negative ego is what has created a life that looks like you don't deserve.

  My line of  argument  is  we get what we think about, whether we want it or not  and  why  not  try for  the  best and there  is good  chance for  you  to  be  there where  you  want . Wayne Dyer  one  of  my favorite  author who  has written  book  called  your ‘’ Erroneous  zone ‘’ writes in his new book "Excuses Begone," "I Don't Deserve" is an excuse.  He says it comes from the lack of self-esteem.  Makes sense doesn't it?  If you don't have self-esteem, you don't feel like you deserve to have love, money, health, etc  he  says you  desesrve  the  best  things , Instead  of  asking  I  don’t  deserve   why  not  ask  why  not  ME   . 

Dr. Dyer  further writes   "This excuse (I Don't Deserve) is based on a belief in the validity of your unworthiness.  It's as if a part of you wants to protect you from (what's assumed to be) the unbearable pain of feeling that maybe they're right, and I don't deserve it.  If you ask that part of you why it's doing this, it will have good reasons. But those reasons are, in effect, lies, and functioning by their edict means that you're living a lie.  You don't earn worthiness - you're equally as deserving of all that this glorious world offers as anyone else is."

forgiveness

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.

-osho-

One of the biggest myths about forgiveness is the belief that someone must first be sorry. Why should someone have to be sorry for us to forgive them? Naturally it is much easier to forgive people who are totally repentant and committed to reform, but this is not a requirement. Such a conditional attitude towards forgiveness completely misses the point. We must learn to forgive people who are not sorry, people who are convinced they are in the right, and people who may even think that we are the ones who should be sorry.

Many people object to forgiving an unrepentant person because they feel that this somehow excuses the original action. They feel that if the person does not unreservedly acknowledge that their action is wrong, then forgiveness is granting them permission to do it again. If we are holding back our forgiveness out of such fear, we must realize that forgiveness does not mean automatically giving someone another chance and letting them back into our lives. For example, if in a  given situation say  with your  friend  we can forgive them and still choose to end our  friendship . The difference is that we would not be ending the friendship due to anger and a lack of forgiveness, but rather from the awareness it is flawed and that we would be better off apart.

Over  a  period  of  time  I  have  understood and  realised that  whatever harm someone has caused us, they have caused more harm to themselves. Nobody wants to be miserable, and if they hurt others then misery is what they will get. Thus, we forgive people because we know that  most of  the  time they act out of ignorance. If they are unrepentant, we should hold even more compassion for them, because this same ignorance may cause them to do the same thing again and again.

 Remember, however much they are harming us, they are harming themselves more! but once again, as mentioned before, the choice to distance ourselves from this person is always open 

   I  am not here  to  give  sermon  like Buddhist  monk  but   over  period  of  time I have also realised that  it is beneficially for us to forgive and  move  ahead   as  it brings  us  enormous benefits. According to recent research they  say that  If you can bring yourself to forgive and forget, you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress hormones circulating in your blood studies and  you'll reduce the anger, bitterness, resentment, depression  and other negative emotions that accompany the failure to forgive.

  Finally  Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behaviour which  you  don’t have any  control . All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

  It is  not  atall  easy but we can learn to do it for  our own  good  which I  am trying to  implement and  given  me  dividends. 

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and  you  will discover that the prisoner was you!!

-         -.

attachment vs Love

  I feel that  obsession with a loved one are the same as those of an obsession with anything else. However, in the case of relationships, the seriousness is often downplayed. While everyone knows the harm caused by a gambling addiction, many are not so concerned about a “love addiction”. It is considered normal, maybe even romantic. 

The crux of the problem lies in the use of the word “love”: people take an obsession or an attachment and they call it love. This leads them to assume that it is a good thing. Clearly, love is a good thing, but attachment is not. Often we want our person we love  to be attached to us because it provides   sort  of  security   and  also  many of  our  bollyhood songs contain supposedly romantic lyrics about how much someone “needs” another. In practice however, love most easily arises in the absence of need. Love is an unselfish and open state, which is quite the opposite of need.

 When a relationship is based on attachment, we have problems such as selfishness, possessiveness, insecurity, and disappointment. A relationship based on love has no such issues. Therefore, we should avoid attachment in a relationship just as we should avoid attachment in other areas of life. Instead of needing something external for our happiness, we must take responsibility for our own happiness. This does not mean being any less committed to the relationship. On the other hand, it will result in a relationship that is more lasting and stable.

 Often  We  fail  to discriminate between obsession/attached  vs Love  and  end   up being   frustrated which leads us to  loose our  equilibrium .Intimate relationships can be one of the greatest sources of joy in our lives. However, as with most enjoyable things, it is easy to become attached/obsessed . This occurs when we start to seek too much from the relationship, and  see it as integral to our happiness. It is dangerous to seek too much from anything in life. We  keep on  hearing    from spiritual  gurus   that  every one in  this  planet is  responsible for our own happiness and yet  we  seek from  outside thru relationship.

Many  a times  it  has  happened   and  still happening  to  me  and  for  that  matter  everyone  more so  in  our  growing  years where  we  seek happiness out  of  wrong relationship after being  obsessed with   a person  or  a  object  and  end  up hearing  pathos songs ! .May  be I  think  this  is  way  Life  teaches us  the  lesson  where we  are  forced to  get  obsessed / attached to  a  person or  a object  then  losing  it   and  later  on  realising  the   value  of    true Love .As some  one  rightly  said 

“:Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be or  getting  betrayed ,.  but it is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities.'' I think  it  is  part  of  life ‘’. 

Other day I was  reading  extract from  a    book  by Jack Kornfield who  is  a Buddhist teacher and author Bringing Home the Dharma ; Awakening  Right where you  are   where   he  says   beautifully that ‘’The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, “I will love this person because I need them.” Or, “I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will be the way I want.” This isn’t love at all – it is attachment – and attachment is rigid, it is very different from love. When there is attachment, there is clinging and fear. Love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess  beautiful  thought .. 

I   I know  all  these  sermons  are  easy  to  talk  and  write but  very  difficult to  follow. Yes , Without going into highly debatable explanations and theories, I would say that love is a positive feeling toward something or somebody, and attachment is an emotional need for something or somebody.The major difference is that love is a feeling directed toward the “other” (the other person, place or thing), while attachment is a self-centered—meaning based on fulfilling your need.