Bystander Effect

After being unable to tolerate harassment inside a Rohtak bus, two brave sisters thrashed three eve-teasers in Haryana on Sunday. The irony is that when all of this was taking place not a single passenger helped them as they continue to fight against the culprits."Other passengers in the bus remained mute spectators," the police officials were quoted as saying. Earlier  a teenager in  Gawahati was molested by a  mob on  a busy  road before  she  was  rescued  by cops she too said  nobody came  to  her  rescue 

We  can  go  on and  on regarding  such  incidences  which keep  on occurring time and again and  surprisingly in   most  of  the  cases public plays  the  role  of  mute spectator.  During  all  these  happenings   one word  which  kept  on tossing during  discussion everywhere is    BYSTANDER EFFECT   or  Genova  syndrome 

 Lot  of  questions came to  my  mind  like  why  people react or not  react proactively during  these  kind  of situation ? is  this syndrome  confined  to  India?or  is  it a recent  development ?or is  it universal?..Surprisingly this  bystander effect is universal and as  old  as  civilization  and not  confined to particular Race or  country  !!This has happened earlier, happening  now and continue to  happen  in future  as  well.Think  about a  situation in  Mahabharata where when Draupathi  was about to be molested  by Dushashana   everyone   including  Bhisma  pithamaha  was a  mute  spectator or  a  bystander till  Lord Krishana rescued .Well, we  may  give hundreds  of  Explanation to  justify the  act but  this  is  fact .. Ok  let  us  leave  this  for  pundits  to  discuss  and let  me  share with  you regarding Bystander effect and what can  be  done when  we are  into  this kind of  situation 

..Before this let  us  know  what  is this Bystander effect .

The bystander effect or Genovese syndrome is a  social psychological  phenomenon that refers to cases where individuals do not offer any means of help in an emergency situation to the victim when other people are present. The  word Genovese  came into  existence  when  Catherine Susan "Kitty" Genovese  a New York City woman was stabbed to death near her home in the kew  neighbourhood of the borough of  Queens  in New York City, on March 13, 1964 and lack of reaction from  her  Neighbors  as they  were  mere  spectators.

 “People are scared,”, says a senior official at New Delhi-based All India Democratic Women’s Association. “Scared of the threat to their lives, scared of indulging in a court room drama, even scared the accused could possibility manipulate the police.”
So if you are witnessing something wrong on the street, its the thought "I should go in and stop them" that goes in your mind, but  parallel thought  that  runs  in  our  mind  is "What will happen to me and my family, if I intervene?". This is the thing which makes people more of a bystander than anything else. 

 Persoanlly  feeling  we  should   not have  this  ambiguity in  our   mind ,  and we  need  to  stand  up  and raise  our  voice and  support  the  victim   and  think  …. do we  remain as a  bystander if the  victim who  needs your  help is your best friend ,close  relative ,brother ,sister  daughter  or for  that  matter if the  Victim is YOU

 don’t  you wish  some   one  from the  crowd rushes to  help  you ? 

I expect to pass through life but once.  If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to fellow being in distress, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. 

 ~author  unknown

Blame Game

A man can  fail many  times ,but he  isn’t a failure  until he begins to  blame some  body else

-         

 Other  day during  my   30  minutes  conversation  with  one  of  my  old  friend   he started  blaming  every  one for  his   present situation- his  job, his  wife ,his  dog , his   mother-in-law, his neighbour, the media, the government, his barber   were somehow  directly or indirectly responsible for the problems he  is  facing .  When  I  pointed   out  to  him if  he  had  ever introspected  and  analysed the  situation  objectively  he  was  not  at all  convinced  as  he  seems to  be in his own  artificially  created  blame  world and  in  turn  tried  his  best  to drill down  the  fact  that  he  was  right  and others  were  wrong .I  felt  sorry  for  him  and  moved  on 

Finding someone to blame may give us a substitute sensation for having solved a problem when we haven't really understood cause and effect at all.  Few  Years  back   ,Yes I too played the  blame  game  but   slowly  came   out  of  it,  and  believe  me  during   that phase in  my   life  I  started  blaming  every  one  for my  situation except  myself .!!  My finances, my unhappiness, , my broken-down car, and even my bad hair day were all entirely some  one  else fault !
 well it  went  on  for some  time  than one fine   day  I had   that  “aha” moment.  I started  thinking about this  blame game wondering “it  may give  me  temporary relief by  blaming  others  /external  situation  but  at the  end  of  the   day  really  has  it  helped ?  no , I  am  where  I  am   and not  moving  an  inch  from  this situation .

 I sat down, took a long deep breath, and thought how  this blame  game  has contributed to my own unhappiness. and  resolved  to come  out  of  this  and  started  introspection  .I  discovered that by looking  at myself  and  taking  responsibility  for  my  action  alone will help me  come  out  of  this  situation instead  of  blaming others / external  factors.

Quitting the blame game and learning life lessons has allowed me to be in a loving, equal, and best of all, relaxing relationship.  It’s allowed me to build my dream career. It’s also allowed me to look at each obstacle I’m facing and find something positive to take away from it. Life is full of people who take emotional shortcuts and blame other people unfairly or aggressively; for the sake of the human race, don't be one of them. But I wouldn't blame you if you were. If you’re having an issue then there is a lesson to be learned.

. Once we learn a lesson we move on to the next lesson. . Here  the  lesson  is  to look into  ourself for  the present  situation you  are  into ,try  to  come  out instead of  blaming  others which  will  take  you  no where.

  I'm not saying we should never blame other people. Sometimes others are at fault and they need to know it and take responsibility but being able to accept responsibility is the right   way as it  helps  us to  understand and come  out  of  the  situation .

  Dont you  agree that   easiest way to be unhappy in life is to blame other people or events for our own misery/problems. Logically, this is a foolish thing to do. If the cause of our misery/problems is external then there is nothing we can do about it, whereas internal causes provide us with the hope to change ourselves and thus alleviate our misery.

Yet for some strange reason, we prefer to blame the outside world rather than look within. Perhaps it comes down to pride: we refuse to admit that we are responsible for our own unhappiness, and thus we keep ourselves trapped in this state  and  yes  reason why we blame others is because we become uncertain about our own capabilities and we become thwarted by our problems in life. We tend to come up with excuses to stay away from what we should be doing but sooner or  later  we  need to  learn that regardless of how much you blame others, it will not change your life; but on  the  contrary  less you blame others, you  get  power  to  exercise greater intuition and better  judgment about what’s really going .

Ask yourself the following questions: Am I in charge of my life outcomes? Can I personally make things better in this situation? How can I take responsibility to become better?

When  you  blame others ,you  give up  your power to  change

-swami Viveknanda-