response vs react

We  all  have our ‘hot buttons’ ,circumstances that set  off  and  often make us  behave in  exactly the  opposite way from  what we would like ,we  lash  out  at  others ,feel frustrated ,we  cry when we  wish  to  have  rational discussion ,shout at  some  one in a traffic ,

Its  perfectly  all right to  show  our  emotions once  in  while .This  may  be  due  to  misunderstanding  with  friend , cancelled  date, fight with  your  spouse  ,  confrontation  at  work etc  reason  may  be  many which   will  turn you from a rational ,competent Adult into  hurt ,angry  child .occasionally  pressing the  hot  buttons its  perfectly  OK  but If this  happens too  often that  is if the  hot button sets  off too  often  then that needs  our  attention

Why  this  happens ?what  is  science  behind  this ?one  of  the professor  of psychology and  neuro centre at  Newyork university explains that some  people suffer  from Emotional Dyslexia where hot buttons buzzes always . He also  says  that now days due  to  world  being competitive and  stressful every urbanite or  so called civilized people in cities  are partly  suffering  from  this new phenomena called Emotional Dyslexia which is  considered to  be  fundamental impediment to for  being a  confident happy adult .

 what  is  this Emotional dyslexia ?

You  have probably heard of  dyslexia as  it applies to  learning disability  in children  where brain misreads the stimulus it  receives and  does  not process them  properly ,for  example a person with  dyslexia might know something but  unable to  express ,he  might recognize a word but writes  backward ,you  might  have  seen the  Hindi  movie Tare zamin par … yes that  boy  was suffering from dyslexia .Now  emotional  dyslexia is similar  in sense that  information  from outside world is short oriented/short circuited ,it bypasses the  cognitive part of  the  brain and  you  react without benefit  of  thought .Its being  in  child :s seat 

Explaining  further the  message to  the  brain will reach directly  to amygdale the  emotional  center   Instead of neuro cortex the  thought  center of  the  brain .During primitive  times this bypassing occurred  because  of Nature of  survival  where  quick  Instinctive reaction to  danger could  be life  saving .Even  today you  might  have  seen when  people are in  real  danger we often see them acting with  exceptional emotional power .It  is perfectly  all right where communication  from  outside world  is  short circuited and  reaches emotional part of   the  brain, but if  people perceive danger where it  doesn't necessarily exists and reacts  in  emotional  Zone too often  then definitely that   leads  into interpersonal conflicts  at  work  place , fight  with spouse ,road rage  or many  such  unpleasant event  in  life .As I  said  earlier Present day  stressful world Contributes  to a  large  extent this instant  reaction in  us.

 Question   Is  there  a way  out ?  yes we  need  to  learn  to  RESPOND   not  REACT

That  is  operating  from  thought  center  instead  of  Emotional  center

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It refers to the fact that we have choices about our behavior   In any given situation, no matter what our senses tell us, we have choices.  We don’t always recognize it, but we have choices.  You could diagram the situation like this. we receive some form of stimulus which is generally people or events.  For each stimulus, we can either choose a response, or we can simply react.  There is a big difference between responding and reacting.

Let’s consider an example that happens to me on a regular basis.  I live in Bangalore and commute to work so I am often dealing with traffic issues with other drivers.  Especially in the morning, people tend to be in a big hurry. , people are often running behind schedule and feeling stressed.  It is pretty common to have another driver cut me off or act in a rude way.  Consider how I act differently toward this same event depending on whether I am having a good day or bad day:

On a Good Day - If someone cuts me off in traffic on a good day, I might choose to simply wish them well or say a prayer for their safety.  After all, there are days when I am in a hurry and so I am able to feel empathetic toward others. ………            Operating  from thought center

On a Bad Day - If the same thing were to happen on a bad day, I am unlikely to choose that positive response.  I am much more likely give the other driver a one-finger salute or tell them where I think they should go.     Operating  from  Emotional center

Notice that under the exact same stimulus, I am likely to have two very different outcomes.  One is a positive response which I have selected from a myriad of potential responses.  The other is a reaction that may or may not involve any thought.  The Key  is being on  Good  day  always !!

Now  question  comes  How to respond? How  to  be on  Good day  always

1. Space. Create a gap between you and the stimulus, either time or distance. It doesn't have to be for long but just enough for you to cool down   and put things into perspective.

2. Tone.  Choose your tone carefully when speaking to someone over an incident that may have upset you. It’s not just what you say but how you say it.

In spite  of  this  …What to do when you react

Apologize. Yes, it’s really that simple. It’s not right to “fly off the handle” no matter how unfair you perceive things to be. It’s disrespectful and you can imagine how it would feel if you were on the receiving end, not so great.

To some of you this may come as a bit of a shock but, you’re not perfect. No one is. We all make mistakes, we all say dumb things occasionally, we’re only human after all. Not only is it important to apologize to the other person, it is also important to forgive yourself. Don’t get hung up on it. Take note of how you feel and what you did or said. Remember these actions and feelings the next time you’re presented with a less than ideal situation, and don’t make it a repeat performance.

To say “I can’t help it” or “I  am what  I  am ” doesn't cut it. You do have a choice. Get control over yourself and revel in the feeling of empowerment that comes from it. Choose to feel proud of the way you respond to situations however, don’t expect an overnight transformation Even I  am  learning slowly and  have  started to  Respond but  still I  feel it is a  long  way to  achieve the  desired result something that takes lot  of conscious  effort from  my end

. Response is always good, reaction is always bad. Response is always beautiful, reaction is always ugly. Avoid reactions and allow responses. Reaction is from the past, response is here and now.     OSHO-.