Spare the rod or spoil the child. Are these adages true of parenting methods today or are they so obsolete in the world of technological advances? Are values, norms and principles the basis of a well-rounded personality or computer know-how, smart talk of gadgetry or adeptness at the bowling alley the traits of a balanced person? Why are we raising a generation that is confused, imbalanced and aimless?
Children today are a mixture of the east and west. They are aping the west with footholds in an eastern upbringing. Who is responsible for this discordance? Are today's parents providing their children with just the right guidance to help create a balanced person? How far are they meeting the challenges of good parenting?
Let’s take a look at the modern day father: he has a steady job yet he is in a constant pursuit to provide for his family’s material comforts. As is the modern day working mother who, in the quest for getting richer to fulfill her child's material necessities, may sometimes forget her primary task of raising her child in a certain manner. No doubt financial well being is vital to put your children through good institutions but is this the only way parents can fulfill their responsibilities? In this rat race to provide the best why don’t we stop and ponder whether we are making our children better human beings so that they can grow into responsible citizens? “I think it’s better for parents to send their children to an ordinary school and have time to talk to them and spend time with them. This is an important concept of quality time. In this scientific age parents need to play an important role in helping their children explore their intellectual capabilities,” says Dr. Pai a consultant psychiatrist with vast experience in child’s psychiatry.
Old fashioned theories are now proving to be truer. In an Endeavor to discipline a child one does not need to beat him to a pulp but a parent has to reprimand a child each time he/she has committed a folly. “A parent will alone tell the child the difference between good and bad. They have to set rules. The crux of the matter is that there is nowadays no importance attached to morals. Parents feel that by striving hard to provide facilities and sending children to expensive schools, they have done their job.In this search for material happiness we have lost the core. If a person does not have a basic personality structure, which tells him to distinguish good from bad then he will never succeed. If a mother does not teach a child basic hygiene, manners, courtesy and the way to conduct himself, he will never be a good human being.” Therefore, a well brought up child will never be rude to his elders, he might get grumpy but he will never be disobedient; this is the difference between a good upbringing child and a street child. And this very concept is not being inculcated by parents nowadays.
Discipline will also teach a child awareness about his priorities. It is this conditioning that will stay with him for life. For example, if there is some occasion in the family and a child’s exams are clashing with the event. the child should be aware that all things aside, his studies are his main priority. If a child wants to read, watch TV or indulge in some hobby, a parent should chalk out a timetable.
Fathers today and yesterday have always been busy but in the past they regularly talked to their children and showed concern for their progress and guided them. Not every child is born a Mathma Gandhi or an Sachin tendulkar to know what he is going to do with his life
One of the problems of living in today’s information technology era is information overload. A child needs some space. If he is bombarded with too many choices then he’s bound to be a wreck. In comparison, a child coming from a village will fare better than his urban counterpart because he has been exposed to fewer choices. “Children from villages tend to be more successful then children from cities whose parents have constantly been after them, thereby confusing them. It was simpler in the olden days when opportunities were few and children knew they had limited choices. With an avalanche of ideas, growing children especially either get into wrong things or become depressed. So, parents should make children concentrate on one thing at a time.
Children today are a mixture of the east and west. They are aping the west with footholds in an eastern upbringing. Who is responsible for this discordance? Are today's parents providing their children with just the right guidance to help create a balanced person? How far are they meeting the challenges of good parenting?
Let’s take a look at the modern day father: he has a steady job yet he is in a constant pursuit to provide for his family’s material comforts. As is the modern day working mother who, in the quest for getting richer to fulfill her child's material necessities, may sometimes forget her primary task of raising her child in a certain manner. No doubt financial well being is vital to put your children through good institutions but is this the only way parents can fulfill their responsibilities? In this rat race to provide the best why don’t we stop and ponder whether we are making our children better human beings so that they can grow into responsible citizens? “I think it’s better for parents to send their children to an ordinary school and have time to talk to them and spend time with them. This is an important concept of quality time. In this scientific age parents need to play an important role in helping their children explore their intellectual capabilities,” says Dr. Pai a consultant psychiatrist with vast experience in child’s psychiatry.
Old fashioned theories are now proving to be truer. In an Endeavor to discipline a child one does not need to beat him to a pulp but a parent has to reprimand a child each time he/she has committed a folly. “A parent will alone tell the child the difference between good and bad. They have to set rules. The crux of the matter is that there is nowadays no importance attached to morals. Parents feel that by striving hard to provide facilities and sending children to expensive schools, they have done their job.In this search for material happiness we have lost the core. If a person does not have a basic personality structure, which tells him to distinguish good from bad then he will never succeed. If a mother does not teach a child basic hygiene, manners, courtesy and the way to conduct himself, he will never be a good human being.” Therefore, a well brought up child will never be rude to his elders, he might get grumpy but he will never be disobedient; this is the difference between a good upbringing child and a street child. And this very concept is not being inculcated by parents nowadays.
Discipline will also teach a child awareness about his priorities. It is this conditioning that will stay with him for life. For example, if there is some occasion in the family and a child’s exams are clashing with the event. the child should be aware that all things aside, his studies are his main priority. If a child wants to read, watch TV or indulge in some hobby, a parent should chalk out a timetable.
Fathers today and yesterday have always been busy but in the past they regularly talked to their children and showed concern for their progress and guided them. Not every child is born a Mathma Gandhi or an Sachin tendulkar to know what he is going to do with his life
One of the problems of living in today’s information technology era is information overload. A child needs some space. If he is bombarded with too many choices then he’s bound to be a wreck. In comparison, a child coming from a village will fare better than his urban counterpart because he has been exposed to fewer choices. “Children from villages tend to be more successful then children from cities whose parents have constantly been after them, thereby confusing them. It was simpler in the olden days when opportunities were few and children knew they had limited choices. With an avalanche of ideas, growing children especially either get into wrong things or become depressed. So, parents should make children concentrate on one thing at a time.
Dancing , singing , cricket pick up one at a time
In a condition called post-traumatic stress disorder if a child sees some trauma the memory can become permanent by chemical substances going to the brain and storing the episode. If the child is treated then the consequences are not alarming and the flashbacks do not occur. Similarly if the child is being flooded with information from the beginning then it gets confused and to avoid such cases, parents have to involve children in nourishing activities when children are in their impressionable age. They should filter anything that is violent and instead expose them to healthy and developmental activities with reading being the best. “Children need to be focused,” says Dr. Pai. “A child is more than a sapling; it thinks and feels and its sensitivity should not be overlooked.
In a condition called post-traumatic stress disorder if a child sees some trauma the memory can become permanent by chemical substances going to the brain and storing the episode. If the child is treated then the consequences are not alarming and the flashbacks do not occur. Similarly if the child is being flooded with information from the beginning then it gets confused and to avoid such cases, parents have to involve children in nourishing activities when children are in their impressionable age. They should filter anything that is violent and instead expose them to healthy and developmental activities with reading being the best. “Children need to be focused,” says Dr. Pai. “A child is more than a sapling; it thinks and feels and its sensitivity should not be overlooked.
It is really harmful to watch WWF or playing violent video games .
“I think by and large parents, both in the past and present, think well for their children. The only thing a parent should be aware of is his child’s needs. A child needs regimentation, guidance and discipline and no amount of discourse can challenge what has been psychologically proven.” How a parent imparts the dos and don’ts varies but the one principle that should be set is that until the child is in his parents home he has to abide by rules and when he is on his own he can do whatever he wishes.
The most common problem amongst parents is over ambitiousness. Mothers are pushing their children to perfect a number of skills. At a school going age a parent should monitor their child’s abilities; if the child is not above average then he should be left to do well in his studies. It’s not necessary that a child be a champion in whatever he does. “However, it is important at this stage that a child’s grades are good, that he should have a comfortable personality and above all be healthy. In fact this leads us to two extremes of parents one group the over- conscientious and the other who think that by sending children to school their responsibility is over comments.
The modern day parent is beset with a Goliath in the form of television. The west, which has suffered the scourge of the medium, is now resorting to a rationing of television viewing because its easy accessibility has opened windows to undesirable information. Parents need to ration television viewing according to their will and should filter what their children are watching. “It has become necessary to provide a television and DVDin every room and for many parents, the computer has turned into a menace. There are so many parents who are not aware of what their child is doing on the computer. Is he working on it, watching a movie or going to pornographic sites, or having an affair in chat rooms? Parents believe that the child is working wonders over the computer. One shouldn’t be so naive. Parents should know what their child is doing and the best way to gauge this is through his grades. There are no short cuts to education and parents need to instill this habit of ‘putting sweat into studies’
“I think by and large parents, both in the past and present, think well for their children. The only thing a parent should be aware of is his child’s needs. A child needs regimentation, guidance and discipline and no amount of discourse can challenge what has been psychologically proven.” How a parent imparts the dos and don’ts varies but the one principle that should be set is that until the child is in his parents home he has to abide by rules and when he is on his own he can do whatever he wishes.
The most common problem amongst parents is over ambitiousness. Mothers are pushing their children to perfect a number of skills. At a school going age a parent should monitor their child’s abilities; if the child is not above average then he should be left to do well in his studies. It’s not necessary that a child be a champion in whatever he does. “However, it is important at this stage that a child’s grades are good, that he should have a comfortable personality and above all be healthy. In fact this leads us to two extremes of parents one group the over- conscientious and the other who think that by sending children to school their responsibility is over comments.
The modern day parent is beset with a Goliath in the form of television. The west, which has suffered the scourge of the medium, is now resorting to a rationing of television viewing because its easy accessibility has opened windows to undesirable information. Parents need to ration television viewing according to their will and should filter what their children are watching. “It has become necessary to provide a television and DVDin every room and for many parents, the computer has turned into a menace. There are so many parents who are not aware of what their child is doing on the computer. Is he working on it, watching a movie or going to pornographic sites, or having an affair in chat rooms? Parents believe that the child is working wonders over the computer. One shouldn’t be so naive. Parents should know what their child is doing and the best way to gauge this is through his grades. There are no short cuts to education and parents need to instill this habit of ‘putting sweat into studies’
There is a very unique side to children’s upbringing in our culture in the concept of an extended family. Grandparents, aunts and uncles play a very important role in shaping a personality. Parents are the first and foremost best role models but the extended family follows closely behind. Children look up to an aunt or uncle and may in future adopt their career choices. A home is made with the love and interaction of its occupants. Many in today’s family lack that interaction and as a result children lead closeted lives, more like tenants where they are not aware of the other. Children should not be left alone with their doors closed. This can lead to depression and other bad habits. A mother should exactly know what her child is doing. A child can never find a substitute for a parent and parents need to realize that children are more than expensive orchids who need constant attention and grooming.
This is a very thought-provoking, educative ('whistle-blowing' type so to say) write-up. I liked it. Yes, "nature" and "nurture" well-blended makes an adorable personality. A good mix of 'nature' and 'nurture' should go into child's development.
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