We all have our ‘hot buttons’ ,circumstances that
set off
and often make us behave in
exactly the opposite way
from what we would like ,we lash
out at others ,feel frustrated ,we cry when we
wish to have
rational discussion ,shout at some one in a traffic ,
Its perfectly all right to
show our emotions once
in while .This may
be due to misunderstanding with
friend , cancelled date, fight
with your spouse
, confrontation at
work etc reason may
be many which will
turn you from a rational ,competent Adult into hurt ,angry
child .occasionally pressing
the hot
buttons its perfectly OK but
If this happens too often that
is if the hot button sets off too
often then that needs our
attention
Why this happens ?what
is science behind
this ?one of the professor
of psychology and neuro centre
at Newyork university explains that
some people suffer from Emotional Dyslexia where hot buttons
buzzes always . He also says that now days due to world being competitive and stressful every urbanite or so called civilized people in cities are partly
suffering from this new phenomena called Emotional Dyslexia
which is considered to be fundamental impediment to for being a
confident happy adult .
what is
this Emotional dyslexia ?
You have probably
heard of dyslexia as it applies to
learning disability in children where brain misreads the stimulus it receives and
does not process them properly ,for
example a person with dyslexia
might know something but unable to express ,he
might recognize a word but writes
backward ,you might have
seen the Hindi movie Tare zamin par … yes that boy was
suffering from dyslexia .Now
emotional dyslexia is
similar in sense that information
from outside world is short oriented/short circuited ,it bypasses
the cognitive part of the
brain and you react without benefit of
thought .Its being in child :s seat
Explaining further
the message to the
brain will reach directly to
amygdale the emotional center Instead of neuro cortex the thought center of the
brain .During primitive times
this bypassing occurred because of Nature of
survival where quick Instinctive
reaction to danger could be life
saving .Even today you might
have seen when people are in
real danger we often see them
acting with exceptional emotional power
.It is perfectly all right where communication from
outside world is short circuited and reaches emotional part of the brain,
but if people perceive danger where
it doesn't necessarily exists and
reacts in emotional
Zone too often then definitely
that leads
into interpersonal conflicts
at work place , fight
with spouse ,road rage or
many such unpleasant event in
life .As I said earlier Present day stressful world Contributes to a
large extent this instant reaction in
us.
Question Is there
a way out ? yes we
need to learn
to RESPOND not
REACT
That is operating
from thought center
instead of Emotional center
.
It refers to the fact that we have choices about our behavior
In any given situation, no matter what our senses tell us, we have
choices. We don’t always recognize it, but we have choices. You
could diagram the situation like this. we receive some form of stimulus which
is generally people or events. For each stimulus, we can either choose a
response, or we can simply react. There is a big difference between
responding and reacting.
Let’s consider an example that happens to me on a regular
basis. I live in Bangalore
and commute to work so I am often dealing with traffic issues with other
drivers. Especially in the morning, people tend to be in a big
hurry. , people are often running behind schedule and feeling stressed.
It is pretty common to have another driver cut me off or act in a rude
way. Consider how I act differently toward this same event depending
on whether I am having a good day or bad day:
On a Good Day - If someone cuts me off in traffic on
a good day, I might choose to simply wish them well or say a prayer for their
safety. After all, there are days when I am in a hurry and so I am able
to feel empathetic toward others. ……… Operating from
thought
On a Bad Day - If the same thing were to happen on a
bad day, I am unlikely to choose that positive response. I am much more
likely give the other driver a one-finger salute or tell them where I
think they should go. Operating from
Emotional center
Notice that under the exact same stimulus, I am likely to
have two very different outcomes. One is a positive response which I have
selected from a myriad of potential responses. The other is a reaction
that may or may not involve any thought. The Key is being on
Good day always !!
Now question comes How
to respond? How to be
on Good day always
1. Space.
Create a gap between you and the stimulus, either time or distance. It doesn't have to be for long but just enough for you to cool down and put things into perspective.
2. Tone. Choose
your tone carefully when speaking to someone over an incident that may have
upset you. It’s not
just what you say but how you say it.
In spite of this …What
to do when you react
Apologize. Yes, it’s really that simple. It’s not right to
“fly off the handle” no matter how unfair you perceive things to be. It’s
disrespectful and you can imagine how it would feel if you were on the
receiving end, not so great.
To some of you this may come as a bit of a shock but, you’re
not perfect. No one is. We all make mistakes, we all say dumb things occasionally,
we’re only human after all. Not only is it important to apologize to the other
person, it is also important to forgive yourself. Don’t get hung up on it. Take
note of how you feel and what you did or said. Remember these actions and
feelings the next time you’re presented with a less than ideal situation, and
don’t make it a repeat performance.
To say “I can’t help it” or “I am what
I am ” doesn't cut it. You do
have a choice. Get control over yourself and revel in the feeling of
empowerment that comes from it. Choose to feel proud of the way you respond to
situations however, don’t expect an overnight transformation Even I am
learning slowly and have started to
Respond but still I feel it is a
long way to achieve the
desired result something that takes lot
of conscious effort from my end
. Response is always good, reaction is always bad.
Response is always beautiful, reaction is always ugly. Avoid reactions and
allow responses. Reaction is from the past, response is here and now. OSHO-.
