changing the world

We always feel that we are perfect & 0thers should be corrected..It is like cleaning the mirror instead of cleaning our face".

The world is a mirror. When someone is nasty to you, it is really just a reflection of your own nasty self, so if you want a nasty person to change, look for the nasty aspects of yourself, so  there  is  no  point  in  cleaning  the  Mirror. !!

I Do remember reading Mother Teresa quote It goes something like this:

“If everyone cleaned their own doorstep, the whole world would be clean.”

What does this say to you? To me, it says that we can only change ourselves, and our first priority should be changing our ways and beliefs, cleaning our own doorsteps. Always We want others to change,   we  expect world  to  change as per  our   specification but  somehow it isn't a very exciting prospect when it comes to changing ourselves. Remember this, it’s not the world that needs to change, it’s ourselves, our perspective  towards  LIFE and focussing on  making a difference in the  world matters  a  lot

This desire to change the world all sounds very heroic and noble and grand. But is it possible? Is it really possible to change the world,?, I don’t think it’s possible to change the world. We  need  to  understand  and  appreciate  the  fact that there’s a difference between changing the world, and making a difference in the world, I believe you can do one but you can’t do the other .I think it is possible to make a difference in the world, perhaps to a small handful of the world’s population..

Let me explain with a famous Zen  story which you might have heard already

 A Elderly man was walking along the beach, admiring the beautiful view. As he walked, he noticed that a large group of starfishes had been washed ashore by the receding tide, and they were struggling to get back to the water. The man was saddened by this turn of events, but accepted that there was nothing he could do to change anything.

The man walked on, continuing to notice the large numbers of helpless starfishes, until he saw another man in the distance standing at the water’s edge amongst the starfishes. Curious, the elderly man walked over to him, wandering what he was up to.

As he got closer, the elderly man could see that the younger man was picking up starfishes, one by one, and throwing them back out into the sea. Astonished, the elderly man got close enough for the other man to hear him, and then he called out.

“Hey! What on earth are you doing?”

The younger man turned to him and smiled, then turned back to the sea, still continuing his duty of picking up and throwing starfishes.

“I’m helping these starfishes get back into the ocean.”

The elderly man couldn’t believe it, why was this man wasting his time throwing starfishes back? There were thousands of them here, it would take him days! He voiced his thoughts.

“Why are you throwing them back? There’s thousands of them here, it’ll take you forever! How can you possibly hope to make a difference to these starfishes?”

Remaining calm, the younger man continued his duty without looking at the elderly man. Just as he threw another starfish back into the ocean, he replied.

“I made a difference to that one.”

The moral of the story sums up my point about wanting to make a difference. We can make a difference to individuals, even to groups of people. A rare few of us may even influence whole communities and societies. But to change the world outright? To throw thousands of Starfish no its  quite  difficult

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.

If you change yourself you will change your world. If you change how you think then you will change how you feel and what actions you take. And so the world around you will change. Not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions but also because the change within can allow you to take action in ways you wouldn’t have – or maybe even have thought about – while stuck in your old thought patterns.and the problem with changing your outer world without changing yourself is that you will still be you when you reach that change you have strived for. You will still have your flaws, anger, negativity, self-sabotaging tendencies etc. intact.

One  of  the  other things  I  learned  over  a  period  of  time  is  accepting  people  as  they  are  with  all  their  flaws   after all  we  are  all  human beings and  prone  to  make  mistake

“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however,

I think it’s important to remember that we are all human and prone to make mistakes. Holding people to unreasonable standards will only create more unnecessary conflicts in your world

“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”

There is pretty much always something good in people. And things that may not be so good. But you can choose what things to focus on. And if you want improvement then focusing on the good in people is a useful choice. It also makes life easier for you as your world and relationships become more pleasant and positive instead  of trying  to  change  them  Completely

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy

Taking people for Granted

Never take someone for granted. Hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you’ve lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones

After watching sridevi:s performance in  English  vanglish  Boney Kapoor had tears in his eyes. He felt that for 15 years, he had taken his wife for granted, ignoring the fact that she had been an actress

It seems that most people like to say that we don't take others for granted but to be honest, I think most of us do take at least one person for granted in our lives, sometimes a lot more than one. Some people may not even realise it. I think it is a common human habit....definitely not a good one, that's for sure. Taking other people for granted can lead us to many regrets during our lifetime

Our mothers, fathers, family, and friends are the core that we interact with everyday. We must always realize that there are no guarantees that each one of them will be available to us at will. By thinking that they will always be there, we can very easily take them for granted. The good deeds and contributions that they make to our lives can sometimes go by unnoticed. We casually can mutter a phrase like "Mom's always there", "Ramesh  is  a great friend", "Isn't Dad great?" like a programmed response, like  a tape recorder  with not a  second thought to it.

It may  happen  one day, out of the blue, the phone doesn't ring, the E  mail stop coming...the person is gone. At that point, we begin to realize just how much we've lost. The space that's left in our lives, that was once full, is now empty. Regret starts creeping into our thoughts that maybe we didn't say enough to the person, while they were still here ,maybe we  ignored that  person .Even though it is very hard, and sometimes impossible to change the past, we can change the present. Look around....think about who in your life contributes to your development on a regular basis...and those that you, too, help. "Thank you" is not a very difficult phrase to say...but its meaning to a given person can be tremendous. It’s okay to tell people how much you need them, and how much you love them. 

Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye, and regret can last for a lifetime.

Do it while they're here, and do  you know  studies  have  proved and  even  you  might  have  noticed   that we  are  usually harsh with  the  people who  care  for  us we  take  them  for  granted 

That’s all ok  but   best  part  is even  we  are  many a  times  taken  for  granted !! then how  to  recognize ?  why  this  happens ?. We might not notice and not care, especially when it is done by people close to us: family, friends. But when it happens on a regular basis it hurts badly. then we need to  do  some  thing  about  this . How to know when you are being taken for granted? we can  sense  and  list  out  many  things ,like  You always are there to offer your help, yet when last time you were the one in need everyone you called up was busy.,your  feelings  are not  cared for .not  loved enough ,ignored ,neglected , People assume you will always be there and each time you are not is taken as a personal offence or  maybe You notice that people forget to tell you things that matter There are many  reasons why  people take you for  granted but one  major  reason  which I  think  that  contributes to  this habit  of  taking people  for  granted  is   not  knowing  difference  between Expressing   LOVE   and Excessive   love  or  obsession love[blind  love]and  giving  too much importance to  them.

As I mentioned  earlier we  should  express  our  love for  people  who  care  for  us and also it  is  fair  enough if  some  one expresses  their  love  for  us but  when  it  crosses  limit  and leads  to  excessive  love  or  obsession  then we  are  at  their  mercy  where    we  are ready  to go  to  any  extent  to make  them  happy 

This is the biggest reason why anyone start taking you for granted. If you are obsessive about  them  and tell  that  person that what he/she means to your life, he/she will start thinking that whatever happen you are never going to go away they  will sense that you  have   become important part  in  their  life more over these are  the people who have power to make you smile as well as cry and when people become so important in your life, you become weak in front of them. You start living your life the way they want and try to do whatever makes them happy. The day others know their importance they will surely take you for granted. . So, if you think that the one you love is taking you granted, it’s time to rethink about that relation.  .  Before  discussing  on  this  let  us  understand ,What  we  should  do when you are  being taken for granted?

1]Do  not panic and make assumptions   after all there might  be  logical explanation  and not understanding the cause may  make things  worse  for you  and  them .Dont  hold  it or  make  it  sound  accusing or  blaming Just  talk    to  the concerned person and  clear  the  air

2]Try  to draw line and Learn  to  say NO. As hard as it seems ,it is still possible. Give it a try. Start with smaller things. People will take you for granted only as long as you let them. Saying ‘no’ is the first step on the road of not letting them do it. When you say ‘no’ to someone the world won’t turn upside down. It will be at the exact same place. You should realize that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Good or bad.

 3]Treat  people as you want to  be treated

Old cliche, maybe, but it does work. Before blaming someone for taking you for granted, see if you do it

 4]Stop being goody  goody  always,  You are human. You have emotions. You can get mad, you can be sad, you can be upset. If people know how you feel they won’t take you  for granted

Finally the most  important  lesson

5]Do  not  compromise on  your  self  respect

You can’t run around giving people second and third chances. You can’t let them take advantage of you. You can’t be there for them always even when they let you down all the time. Relationships are always worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting …ist  it ?

Don’t take people for granted. No matter how much they love you, people get tired eventually.